Again, yay!

I crocheted my usual "2 strands of worsted on a Q hook in double crochet" kitty-sized afghan for Millie in an awesome purple that was on sale for some like $2/4oz. It's up on the table behind my desk where she likes to lie, overlooking the back deck and the birrrrdsss!!! Juncos have come back and are hanging out, even tho I haven't gotten seed out there yet. I haven't been in a rush to make a kittyghan for Walter, as he usually hangs out half-on and half-off of Puppy's pillow right next to my desk.

There was a knitting class thru LCC community ed, and it was here in Cottage Grove no less, but OMG what a disaster it was. The instructor wasn't able to do it after all, so they found someone else, but she was not prepared, and, tho she's a very good knitter and has been doing it for decades, she's not a very good knitting teacher, because she doesn't remember what it's like to not KNOW anything, and she had a very difficult time slowing her hands down enough so that we could follow what she was doing. I wasn't that bad off since I was knitting a little bit a few years ago, but I never did it enough that it really really sunk into my brain -- not like swimming or riding a bike or typing or whatever. Some of the ladies, tho (all older than me) hadn't knitted before, or hadn't for a few decades, and a couple of them were so frustrated they were near tears, and that added to my stress. The second class was supposed to be purling, so before class I looked at one of my old books to see if I could remember how to do it, and I could, so I decided not to go back to class -- not worth the stress, and the class wouldn't be cancelled nor lose any money because of me. If I come up with questions in the future that can't be answered in the books I have or online, then I'll go to the yarn store in Eugene and pay to have someone show me. The key right now, I think, is to imprint it on my brain, so that means both knitting and purling (I'm making a scarf in stockinette stitch) every third day at the least, preferably every day, even just a row or two of each.

I did learn the secret to tension! Bamboo needles!!! The metal ones were making my tension much tighter so that the stitches on the needles didn't slip, but one woman in class had some bamboo needles with her, and let everyone try them, and oh my goodness yes, so much difference!

And yeah, thanks to Ryan Paramour, I finally started watching Firefly (tho I can't knit and watch at the same time; both are too complicated). I've only seen disc 1 so far, so no spoilers :D

I just wrote (but luckily did not send, just saved as draft) a big ol' emo email to Tristan, the 20 year old I met on Tuesday the 29th and haven't heard back from.

And then I wrote a bunch of whining here. No one needs to hear it. You know it's bad when I say that, because I'm always happy to do my whining plenty loud.

I still need to write up at least some notes about the Idol concert and lunch with Tim last Friday (and stuff with Ryan this week. Cuddling with him is so fucking awesome), because there's stuff that I want to remember. I need to make time to do that. I want to journal more in general to try to capture how I feel when I feel good, so I can remember during the times I don't feel good, so at least I know it might come back again sometime.

On Tuesday, my story was workshopped / discussed / critiqued in class. It's a literary fiction class, and because this was only a second draft, I knew it wouldn't even come close. Some students said they enjoyed reading it, at least, and some of the feedback was helping for any kind of writing I might do, genre or literary or somewhere in between. Nevertheless, it left me with the renewed "ugh, should I really try writing for a living?!!" angst and not wanting to write at all.

After class I went to Paramour Ryan's and drank as much beer as I could as fast as I could so I could get drunk so I could stand him taking photos of me. I HATE HATE HATE photos being taken of me, but need some better ones to post on Ok Cupid. Also, we'd been in contact with a couple in Portland (2 1/2 hours away) about getting together, and then sent us some naughty pics, and Ryan thought it would be nice to reciprocate. Eek! She's fat like me (I'm about a size 26 on top right now, size 22 bottom) and they thought the pics I had there were cute, so that wasn't too much of a worry, but still. So Ryan took 70 pics of me, rated G through soft R or so. We were tentatively planning to get together with said couple next Monday. Yeah, were. Tonight the guy said some stuff (to Ryan on AIM) about some entertainment he enjoys that made Ryan really uncomfortable, so he told me and asked how I felt, and when we talked to them about it, trying to understand and make ourselves feel okay with it, it just got worse, so Ryan & I reluctantly decided that it just wasn't going to be worth the time, effort, and money, even if it meant the bisexual foursome we've both always wanted. Oh well. So we have standards. Luckily, he and I agreed, which was the important thing. I'm going to see him again on Friday, which is pretty good. I would've preferred Thursday, but he needs a lot of alone time and of course has other things going on in his life too, and I don't want him to get tired of me or find me to be too needy or clingy.

I'm less inclined now to look for other guys / couples / relationships / whatever. I'd rather have plenty of time for him, and also delve back into roleplaying, which I've been doing very little of in the past month or so. RP is safer than RL relationships, that's for damn sure.

FYI, I remember nothing of Bladerunner (except that I didn't like it -- really weird of me, I know), and I haven't read ...Electric Sheep before, so no spoilers please ;)